Sounds like something from a fairy tale. She is in Los Angeles: he is in
New York. They met through an online dating service, they started with e-
mail, they went to the phone chat and now they are sure they are in love.
The only problem is that they have never met in person.
But both can say that it is real. It must be love, how else could
the conversations they have on the phone are so intimate and make them feel so
near? Sure, it will be difficult and expensive to get together, but hey, this
It's true love! And of course, if they are going to be together, that means one of them
You have to give up your whole lifestyle: family, friends, work, etc., and
move thousands of miles away just to be with each other.
If you've never been to one of these long distance romances, you could
I wonder why in the world someone would try to start an affair with
Someone who lives so far. Ask any pop psychologist and they
Telling you that it is a perfect setting for people who are afraid of commitment.
The long distance lover gives you a place to focus all your romance
fantasies of having the perfect person to love, without any of the
realities that cushion romance, such as discovering that they scream and throw
things when they are angry, or hate being close to your friends, or that they
I see nothing wrong with a drink or two before noon.
When you just broke up with someone or when you've been
in an endless roundabout of dates that do not reach anywhere or when it is
It's been months and months since you met someone to date, you can
Become vulnerable to the appeal of long-distance romance. I can seem
very stubborn on this subject, but that's because I'm trying to save
You from the anguish of another relationship that went wrong.
Let's clarify one thing: this is dedicated to people who want a
Love relationship would be, long-term, committed, monogamous. If only
You want to play, so you can find exciting and fun long distance dating.
But if you want to find the right kind of partner and develop a true love
relationship, you go a dead end if you get involved
With someone who is far away.
What is too far?
What is "too far"? It actually has more to do with time than with
actual distance in miles. In my experience, I would say that if needed
more than an hour's journey for you two to meet, that's too far
far. I tried with several good perspectives that I met by going online that
he lived more than an hour away and it was too difficult for us to meet
on any type of regular basis. Sometimes two or three weeks passed
before we could adjust our schedules well enough to see each
Believe me, all you need is a few 90-minute tours that make you nervous
Southern California traffic to take away your budding romance.
And that is if they are only 60 or 70 miles away. Like a relationship
Develop wishes to spend more and more time with the person. Your
can withstand travel time at the beginning when everything is new and
exciting, but ages quite quickly.
So now you should know what will come next. If i'm telling you 60 miles
it's too far, what do I think about hundreds or thousands of miles? That's
relationship roulette – and the house always wins! Okay, I know you have
I heard stories about one of these long distance deals that worked.
They flew across the country to see each other, it was instant chemistry
and they married and lived happily ever after. What are the possibilities
what's going to happen that way for you? Pretty close to zero. (I bet that
a lovely couple in history is no longer together a year or two later).
The one hour rule
So here is the conclusion: long distance dating is MUTE! Don't do it if
You want a true love relationship with a real person. Make up your mind
right now to put the one hour rule into effect. Many people
which are a good combination for you within an hour of your home (except
maybe if you live inside Australia or the Alaskan desert). We
everyone has more than one soulmate on the planet
I used to live at 6,500 feet in a small mountain town of 6,000 people
where I couldn't find any man I wanted to date. So I put on the net and
He did a search for men within 40 miles and dozens of profiles appeared.
One of them was my future husband, who lived right at the bottom of the
Montana. There it was, but how could I have known him without him
online dating service?
It took us between 45 and 50 minutes to drive to the homes of others, and
by the time we had been dating for 6 months or so, we were very tired of
All driving But that was enough to determine what we wanted
Commit, move together and eventually get married.
You should want an excellent relationship or long-term marriage if you have read
so far. So develop a solid resolution like a rock deep in your heart that will
don't be tempted to start a long distance online flirting with anyone,
no matter how beautiful your photo is or how perfect it looks on your
profile. It is a completely useless search and will NOT take you to your goal.
The best thing you can do is clearly indicate your "No long distance appointments"
preference directly on your profile and then stick to your weapons.
Some fools who live four states away will still try to contact you and
You can simply ignore your message or send a blank reply with NO LONG
DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS OR NOT INTERESTED in the subject line if
You want to give them the courtesy of an answer.
Advanced search options
The best dating services have advanced search options that allow you
Choose a geographical category according to the zip code or the number of
miles You know what the average travel times in your home area will be
and you can find out what zip codes or how many miles will keep you in
the category of less than an hour.
When conducting your own searches, restrict them to people from 20 to 30
minutes away Most people will find many perspectives in a nearby neighborhood
Geographic area. If you are not lucky, expand your search
criteria at 45 minutes or 60 minutes maximum.
There may be times when you feel lonely and bored, when
I haven't met anyone really interesting in a long time. That is the moment
When your resolution will be tested. You'll start thinking "Oh, well … here's a
Message from someone who is only 3 hours away. Maybe just verify
out of your profile. "This is a dangerous thought that could well put you
On the road to disaster. Remember that while you are playing
with the wrong person, is not available for the right person when
So now you're thinking: "Boy, this woman is tough on us, poor singles!" Yes,
I'm being hard here for a good reason. People like you and me who
valuing and appreciating the idea of having a great marriage has to be difficult
enough to say NO to situations that have little or no chance of producing
the long term relationship we want
I'm glad to have instituted the one hour rule for me and to follow it, no
matter what. That's why I could find my big boy living nearby
Enough so we can really get to know each other. And that is why that
Great boy and I are happily married today. I sincerely want the same to
you! The one hour rule will help you get there faster.